the 1st year: it's a verb.

I absolutely loved our cakes! Because my husband is a drummer, what could've been more fitting than part of his drum set for his cake? Not to mention it was red velvet, which is his favorite. My cake was the perfect mix of the modern feel, while still maintaining the classic bridal elegance. I would highly recommend Midtown Cakes to any bride that's on the market for their wedding. They're amazing! 

As my husband and I are approaching our 1st anniversary, I have recently started to think back on this past year and all the many lessons we've learned...some have been easy to soak up and others have felt like pouring alcohol over an open wound. However, if I have learned anything over the past year, it can all be summed up in one phrase: It's A Verb. Love acts. It acts on the present, not the past. Bryant and I both have pasts, [not pretty ones either] but genuine love looks at the present and loves with a passionate, relentless pursuit; one that cannot be fabricated or faked. The apostle Paul said it best in the infamous verse read at almost all weddings (except mine): 

"Love never fails!" 1 Corinthians 13:8

As I've been reflecting over this past year, there are a few lessons that I think are worth writing about. I'm sure every woman has different points she feels are worth remembering depending on the circumstances, but if anything, for when I'm looking at this blog on our 10th wedding anniversary, I want to have them...and just maybe they'll help or inspire you as well. So here we go...


#1--It takes THREE, not just 2. I've heard many people say, in regards to marriages that have split or when major disagreements occur between couples, "It takes two to tango"...and right they are, but I think when we offer that phrase, we completely bypass the most important person in the marriage: God. It may take two to tango, but it only takes one to restore...and that one is Jesus Christ. He's the redeemer and rebuilder. If marriage is not not built on Jesus Christ himself, yeah, you may "get by" and make it from day to day, but the joy of the Lord will not be present...and let me just go ahead and tell you...there are days when the only thing that pulls you through is His joy! Marriage is not just a union between two people, but a covenant between those two people and the Lord...one that cannot reach it's full potential without being centered around Jesus Christ! 
#2--His razors work so much better than mine! Seriously! It doesn't matter what expensive brand I buy of women's razor, his always shave better, meaning...when given the choice, I'll always pick up his razor instead of mine :) 
#3--Tithing is a must. One of the greatest lessons we've been able to learn as a couple is the importance of tithing. I've always grown up tithing, putting my 10% in the offering bucket as it passed by, but when you get married, bringing together two incomes, that 10% becomes significantly larger, making it much harder to write that check come Sunday morning. Combine the larger number with more bills to pay and unless you're rolling in the dollar signs, tithing will truly test your faith. But, that's the beauty of it. Everything we have is the Lord's. He gave it all to us. Paul says it best in Phillippians 4:19 (keep in mind, he wrote this while sitting in a jail cell)-

"And my God will supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." 

As we are faithful to Him, He pours out blessings according to HIS riches, which if you didn't know, are much better than anything this world has to offer. Just as a testimony to His faithfulness, Bryant and I chose to tithe the regular 10% but also to take 5% of our income and give it to someone in need who the Lord lays on our heart. We also have recently started supporting a little boy named Angelo in West Africa. I can personally guarantee, the more we've poured out for the Lord, the more He has poured into us. Bryant received a significant promotion within his company, instantly doubling his income & upon graduating, the Lord had lined up the perfect job for me, doing what He called me to do so many years ago (that story is laid out within my About Me if you're interested). Money is temporary. Earthly treasures are temporary. The investments made for the kingdom...they last for an eternity! Am I saying this to boast about what we have? Absolutely not! Am I saying that hard times have never hit us? No way! There are still times when money is tight. What I'm trying to show you is, the Lord is forever faithful and He honors those who honor Him!

Angelo on the left & Bryson collecting money from his allowance he has been saving up for months to buy a new toy that he really wants...instead, he sent his money to Angelo last week.

#4--He likes surprises, but he also likes his schedule. My husband is OCD. There's no denying it...especially when I vacuum the whole living room and the lines on the carpet aren't perfect enough for him or I put the toilet paper on wrong or he hasn't gone through his tooth brushing routine at least 3 times in one day (he's obsessed with clean teeth...but, I'm not complaining!) Although he likes a routine and always wants to know what's on the calendar for the upcoming week, throwing some surprises his way isn't always a bad idea. A candle lit dinner; a random present waiting for him; taking him a surprise slushy and his favorite candy to work, just because I am missing him; a sporadic date night; or a day where I curl my hair, dress my best, put on some make up and throw on some high heels. He's very particular about his schedule, but changing it up a little is good for every marriage! 

#5--Praying together builds strength: There's a reason the Word of God says, 

"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

The closer you get to the Lord, the closer you become as a couple. Some of my most treasured moments with Bryant are at night when we're crawling in bed together and we begin to pray: praying over our life, our marriage, our family, pleading the blood over Bryson and his life. Sooner or later, whether you want to admit it or not, your spouse is going to let you down. They're going to do something that betrays your trust, that hurts you or they're not going to be there for you and the let down will be more than you can bare. I know most people, especially us ladies, like to think that the man of our dreams is going to be there in every situation, no matter what, but truth is, our men our human...just as we are. They're going to let us down. If you don't believe me , give it time. All people fall...all people mess up. Romans 3:23 states it clearly: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." But by praying together, you acknowledge the need in your marriage (and lives as individuals) for a Savior. Allow your husband to pray over you...I promise, its one of the most intimate and beautiful journeys you'll ever take as a couple!

Bryant praying over our marriage during our wedding ceremony.

#6--Vacations are a must! And I don't mean this in a selfish way, needing the sun, sand, and water. I mean the mental mindset of a vacation. Sometimes you just need to get away from the everyday stressors of life and take time to breathe...as a couple, or in our case, as a family. Do something fun that everyone will enjoy. Goof off together. Be carefree for a few days. Rejuvenate and refresh your spirit. Remind yourself of the beautiful life the Lord has blessed you with. Even if you can't go for a week long vacation at the beach, go to (if you're local) Callaway Gardens for the day or the North GA Apple Festival or even the GA National Fair. Something that's different and will allow you to get away and relax for a while. When Bryant and I were dating, neither of us had any money & we weren't married, meaning we couldn't go somewhere we had to spend the night with it just being the 2 or 3 of us (Bryant, Bryson & myself), so our "vacation" or getaway were simple things like a day in Atlanta at the aquarium and trips to Pine Mountain Animal Safari with Bryson. Recently, the Lord has blessed us tremendously, allowing us to be able to afford much larger vacations such as Bryson's 1st trip to Disney World and a week at the beach. Regardless of how long you're away or where you're going, make time to spend with your spouse and family! 
[Speaking of short vacations: this weekend, Bryant and I are spending the weekend in Atlanta at the Westin. Part of it is for my work, but the other part is an early birthday celebration for my man. I'm so excited!]

 

It was both Bryant & Bryson's 1st trip to Disney World. We had the best week! We went to Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom & of course Downtown Disney every night to visit Lego World! Bryson is looking forward to our next trip...as is his daddy ;) 

 #7--Fighting is okay. Not only is fighting okay, but it's normal...especially in the first few years of marriage. You're still changing and becoming accustomed to living with your spouse and all their crazy habits. I remember one of the first mornings after we were married and had come home from our honeymoon, waking up to Bryant singing (he has a BEAUTIFUL voice--maybe one day I'll post the video of him singing to me at our wedding) as LOUD as he could. Now, keep in mind, I am not a morning person. Bryant...his eyes open at 5am sharp! "Sleeping in" does not exist in his dictionary. Of course, I was still in the honeymoon phase, so I quietly got up, went and shut the door to the bathroom and attempted to fall back asleep. 3 months down the road...it got old. Especially when, much like tonight, I'm up working or blogging and Lou (our miniature yorkie) and Bryant are sound asleep, meaning early mornings aren't really my favorite thing. 

Yes, this is an actual picture from tonight & literally how Lou sleeps every night. She loves Bryant! 

It didn't take too many more morning shower singing sessions before I had had enough. I made it very known that his singing was driving me crazy at 5:30am and being the wonderful man that he is, he just laughed it off & promised to keep it quiet in the early mornings. [Now that's not to say that every once in a while he won't wake me up singing "Good morning beautiful" with that wonderful voice of his or quietly kiss me goodbye as he leaves for work...and if I'm honest, by being married to him, I've become more of a morning person myself, waking up early to eat breakfast with him or drink coffee and talk while he gets ready for work. I've come to love mornings with my man.] Fighting and becoming angry with your spouse is normal. Even Jesus himself became angry, clearing the temple courts (John 2:13-17)...but, the key is to not sin in your anger; to not go to bed upset; to watch the words that leave your mouth when you're angry; to guard all actions while you're angry. The goal is to get to a place where you're able to reasonably express your concerns with your spouse and work through it together.  

#8--Whenever he blames the dog for something, you instantly know he is at fault. Bryant has this funny habit of doing something silly, such as passing gas, and when I turn around to give him the "seriously?" look, he always claims it was Lou-Lou. Often I'll ask him to do the dishes or move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and more times than not, he takes care of it without question, but then there are those times that he "forgets" and when I get home and ask him about it, he claims he told Lou to take care of it, but she didn't listen. Needless to say, I can't be mad when we both look down at Lou (which I don't even know why I look at her because I know who is truly at fault) and she gives us the "what did I do?" look. 

The "what did I do?" look.

#9--"Its not the load that breaks you, but how you carry it." I can promise you, if you haven't hit hard times yet, you will. Most couples don't walk into their first year of marriage with already having a child (step child for me) and an ex wife/husband...but for us, that's the case. Again, I will stop and say (and anyone who knows us, knows what a joy Bryson is and how close of a family we are) but, I would not trade Bryson Reid for anything in this world! He is our pride and joy! 

Bryson's preschool graduation, 2014. 

But our life has different stressors and obstacles than most marriages do starting out. You may not carry the same load that we do, but I know every couple has something they struggle with...something that bears down on them. We weren't made to carry around heavy burdens...we're not strong enough. Psalm 55:22 instructs us to "cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." That's a promise! Your marriage wasn't made to carry the weight of the world or the weight of your circumstances on it. Take your burdens to the Lord and He WILL sustain you. As the quote says, it's not the actual load that will break you, but how you go about carrying it...and that's just it. You don't! You lay it before the Lord, trusting He will meet every need & fight on your behalf. Psalm 34:7 promises this: "The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them." Now that's not saying there won't be hard days or days where you think you've reached your limit, but His word promises that joys comes in the morning and as I stated in my previous post, He's the best promise maker you'll ever meet! He never fails or goes against His word! 

#10--He's gonna have a hobby...you might as well learn to tolerate it. My husband has many wonderful talents and hobbies. He loves sports and is extremely athletic...and I love watching that gorgeous man run across the field. He is an incredible musician, mastering the drums, guitar and bass, and has a voice like you've never heard before. He loves adventure and we're always planning something fun to do or a new place to visit. But one thing that I cannot stand is CLASH OF CLANS! He and a big group of his friends take this game very seriously, to the point that Bryant will ask me to keep his phone on while he jumps in the shower so "his village isn't raided." Silly, right? Yes! But, he likes it...he enjoys the game. I'm sure he thinks my countless DIY projects around the house are silly, but I enjoy them, so he goes along with it. A few weeks ago we were going out for our weekly date night and he asked me what I wanted to do...I really wasn't feeling up for a fancy dinner that night and simply wanted to go to the craft store and buy stuff for more projects and then go home to paint and eat dinner at the house. I know out of all the many things he could've done that night, painting was not on the top of his list...but he did it...for me. He spent his entire night (clash free, I might add) painting canvases, watching tv (we did watch ESPN for him, but luckily, I love sports just as much as he does) and sharing dinner in our pjs. Why? Because it's what I wanted and enjoyed and he wanted to make me happy. 

Our paintings from our date night. He's actual not a bad painter (he painted the leaves on the left). 

He taught me something that night...I may think this clash of clans game is ridiculous, but he enjoys it...and part of loving someone is "putting up" with things that they enjoy even when it's not your top choice...selfless love is what he displays...and I'm blessed to be able to call him my husband. IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND: This does not mean that I will begin playing clash of clans...hence the word "tolerate" in the topic sentence.

I've learned so many lessons over this year, but the absolute greatest one is this:

God knew exactly what He was doing when He saved Bryant Davis for me. I couldn't ask for a better man to walk through life with! The Lord answered every prayer I've ever whispered for what I wanted my husband to be like when He gave me Bryant...and then some! Oh how thankful I am for this life we have together!