Settle down, you hypocrite: a painful look within.

["Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5]

No this isn't a juicy gossip post, blasting someone else for their hypocritical lifestyle or a post used as a venting platform. It's not a place to revisit past hurts or discretely target someone else for something they've done. This is a place of vulnerability...one that I'm very glad the Lord brought me to. The hypocrite I'm referring to is me...and here's why:

A little while ago, I was sitting in my office trying to knock off the last few check marks of my to-do list (yes, I am a bit very OCD when it comes to my to-do lists & will not stop until my daily list is complete) and the Lord began to knock at the door. How easy is it to hear Him knocking, knowing He wants to speak to you, but the things of this world, the distractions of life, pull you in every other way but to spending time with the one who truly matters...and the sad part is, the distractions that are pulling you away can be good things; things that are working to further His kingdom. I was working on updating our church's website and getting some things together for our compass groups that were kicking off...but I knew what He had to say to me was far more important than any work I had to do at that time.
As I began reading in His word, He guided me to a passage of scripture I know very well; one that I've grown up knowing, I've heard it preached and I've even preached on it many times. Galatians 5:16-25. (Please note, I am reading from God's Word Translation) 

"Now the effects of the corrupt nature are obvious: illicit sex, perversion, promiscuity, angry outburst, selfish ambition, conflict, factions, envy, drunkenness, wild parting and similar things. I've told you in the past and I'm telling you again that people who do these kinds of things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the spiritual nature produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There are no laws against things like that. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their corrupt nature along with its passions and desires." 

When I first read over this verse, I almost viewed it as one of my checklists. As I went down the list of things that will not enter the Kingdom of God, I checked them off. "Don't do that. Never have done that. Will never do that..." and so on. My pride began to swell up as I ran through the list in my head: "I'm not a promiscuous woman, I have always and will always be faithful to my husband in the covenant of marriage, I don't party or indulge myself in drunkenness or wild partying." [There's a reason the Bible says "pride comes before destruction."] As I read over that verse again, I began to see why the Lord had brought me to that familiar verse...my pride began to fall and my eyes were opened to the messed up mindset I was in. How easy it had become for me to point the finger at someone else that I deal with in my life of how "messed up" they were. I wasn't the one who was unfaithful; I wasn't the one who was out getting drunk every weekend or living for the things of this world. How easy it had become for me to see the speck that was in someone else's eye when I had a huge log sticking out of mine. See, for the past few months, my life had been marked by conflict with this person, angry outbursts and rivalry. Who was I to skip over those problems that applied to me and jump to the ones I wanted to see in others? Who was I to pour out judgement when a gracious God has so freely poured out an abundance of grace and mercy on me?

A few years ago, I was downtown at our college ministry at the time, listening to our pastor, Rob, and he stated something that resonated within my soul and till this day, I use it to put myself back in place when I begin to operate out of my flesh. He was referring to hurts and the revenge that we as humans want to take. This was his statement: 

"It's easy to sit there and think about people who have hurt you getting what they deserve. But what about you? What about what you deserve? Christ took what we all deserved to Calvary that day."

A definite hit to my pride, but one that I desperately needed. When I think about passions and desires, I think about those "horrible sins"... the ones that come with ungodly passions and desires, such as having an affair on your spouse, or being addicted to drugs, or an alcoholic. But, what the Lord was trying to show me was the dirty sin within my life. The angry outbursts that had come due to the rivalry and conflict that existed between myself and someone, all of which were listed by Paul in Galatians 5:16 as things that will KEEP you from inheriting the Kingdom of God! I may not struggle with desires to be unfaithful to my husband or become drunk every weekend, but I do struggle with desires to out-do or be "better"...and if you continue reading, Paul goes on to write that those who are within Christ have crucified those passions and desires. Now let me go ahead and tell you, crucifying that fleshly desire, regardless of what you're struggling with, is a daily battle that will be one of the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But the more I crucify my flesh, day after day, the easier it becomes and my flesh is torn away, making more room for the Lord to work and move in my life. 


 It doesn't make sense in the world's eyes and many times you'll question why even continue to forgive and show love when it would be so much easier to push back and point out every speck of dirt in their eye, but remember the words of Jesus himself:

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." -Matthew 5:44

I want my life to be MARKED by Christ and everything I do to be an avenue for Him to be glorified...so "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14. 

All my love~ Chelsea