sweetly broken, wholly surrendered.

As I sit at my bar with my pumpkin candle lit, pumpkin crunch cake, pumpkin coffee, (can you tell  how much I love the fall and everything pumpkin?) God's Word, my journal and computer, I can't help but thank the Lord for this wonderful life He has blessed me with. 

My favorite nights are those spent at the house with my husband, candles lit, hair up, glasses on, just relaxing in our pjs...much like tonight. 

But as I sit here, thanking Him for the good times, I can't help but remember the hard times this life has brought me to. Now, being 23, I don't have near as many run ins with hard times as I'm sure most people have, but the Lord has used the ones within my life to teach hard lessons that I needed to learn. 

The life-changing reality of our Savior is how He takes the worst situations within our life and uses them for His glory and teaches us to completely rely on Him. 

I remember my first real heartbreak. The sting of the tears and the sinking feeling within my stomach as I said that last goodbye to a guy I had spent four years of my life with. All I could see within that moment was my current reality. For years, my identity had been tied to a man, but the Lord used that heartbreak to teach me the sweetest and perfect fulfilling love only HE could provide to me. 

Psalm 86:15 "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."

I clearly remember the bitter taste of betrayal...someone who was so dear to me, turning their back, and choosing to do what, seemed at the time, to be the one thing that would cut deeper than any scar I had up until that point in my life. Ever heard the phrase "hurt people, hurt people"? How true that is! I used my heartache and brokenness to excuse my actions, lashing out in anger and hurt. As much as you don't want to hear this, I'm going to say it...because I often have to remind myself of it. Your hurt and heartbreak does not create an avenue for revenge or vengeance. Our God is not a god of reciprocal action. Don't believe me? Take a look at His words on the cross. 

"Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing'." Luke 23:24

Our sin had put Him there; yes, He willingly took on the sin of this world, but had it not been for me, or for you, or for that one person you cannot stand because they have hurt you so, He wouldn't have had to take on the torturous cross. But what if He would've taken on the mindset that we so often settle in to? That reciprocal attitude; I'm hurt, so let me lash out at others? [Now please keep in mind, I am speaking from a place of vulnerability; a place of constant learning and allowing the Holy Spirit to bring conviction when needed and to open my eyes when my self-serving flesh gets in the way.] Do you understand that our eternity, our way to the Father and complete restoration with Him, rode on what Jesus Christ did that day at Calvary? Had He given up, because of the mockery, the pain, the emotionally draining experience, the beatings, the nails that pierced His hands, the hurt that He endured for us, we would have much bigger problems than the war going on in the middle east or the bickering that goes on within our families. The Lord took a tender and fragile time within my life to teach me a paramount principle: I'm not called to take revenge; not one place in the bible have I found God gives me permission to take my revenge on someone...but page after page I see love spelled out...love that doesn't make sense in the world's eyes...love that continues even after pain.

I remember the lonely nights that rebellion brought to my life. Remember the phrase, "hurt people, hurt people?" Well, I added to that in my life...hurt people not only hurt other people, but they hurt themselves...many times without even knowing it. The more I dwelt on the pain within my life, the further I pushed myself from the Lord. I went through a time of rebellion, questioning my own beliefs in the God that I had grown up loving; questioning the call of God on my life. Please hear me on this: I AM NOT SAYING THESE THINGS ARE BAD...NOT BY ANY MEANS! If my job permitted me to, I would still have my nose ring because I like the way they look...but, growing up in a Christian home with parents who made sure that the more I faced the world, the more of the Lord they poured into me, there were some things that you just didn't do. You didn't put any crazy colors in your hair, you pierced your ears and that was it, and tattoos were a BIG no-no! I remember when I walked into my orientation at my last job under the Woodruff Company and talking to the HR director, laughing as she went over what was not allowed in the office. No crazy colors in your hair, no body piercing outside of ears can be shown & no tattoos (or they couldn't be visible)...all of which I had. 

 The whole bottom half of my hair was dyed black and pink & I had recently gotten my 1st tattoo (the tattoo is an ichthus surrounded by my favorite quote: sweetly broken wholly surrendered) 

 

 This was when I got my second nose piercing. Funny story about my nose being pierced: I absolutely loved my nose being pierced...however, my husband, didn't. WAY before we had even thought about dating and when we were just becoming friends, he walked up to me one day and made it very clear that he did not like the piercing and that I should take it out. Of course, being the hard head that I am, I made sure to keep it in for quite a while after that, just to make my point :) 

The Lord used this season of rebellion within my life to open my eyes to not only His higher plans for my life, but the wonderful family He has given to me. Eventually after running as far as I could from the Lord, [the irony of the situation was, as I was running from the Lord, I was in school in Lakeland, Florida at a christian college, Southeastern University] I was stopped in my tracks by a man that I've known my whole life; one that has always held a special place in my heart, but on this day, he operated as the very hands of God, reaching down to my broken soul.

One of my favorite pictures taken on my way to jog around Lake Hollingsworth while I was away at school in Lakeland, FL. 

 I was in a mess...I was broken and confused. I wanted to find a way back to the Lord, but I was so engulfed in my mistakes and heartache that I didn't even know how to start pulling myself up. After a brutal argument with my parents over the phone, one where I threatened to move home and move in with the guy I was in a relationship with, never wanting to have anything to do with them again, (after they had caught me in my web of lies) something happened. When he had every right to cut off the money they were paying for my outrageously, overpriced tuition ($27,000 a year they were willingly paying), when he had every right to not transfer another dime into my bank account, to take my car from me, and allow me to face this world that I so insistently "claimed" to want to take on, he didn't. My daddy chose to get in his truck, drive 8 hours through the night, only to pick me up from my dorm and love me in my lowest time. He asked if he could take me to lunch. Lunch? I thought he was coming to take everything he and my mother had given me, pack me up & take me back home to settle my punishment there. But he did just the opposite. The minute I saw him in that parking lot, his arms were wide open. He told me over and over of how much he loved me and how proud he was of me. Of me! After everything I had done and the things I had said to him...none of it mattered. He saw my potential, not my mistakes. He loved me through it all and stood beside me as I fought my way out of it. That day he took me to lunch and shopping at the mall in Lakeland. When he should've pulled back everything he had given me, he poured out more. 

I treasure the bond I share with my daddy; I couldn't have asked for a better protector, provider and man to love me first in this life. 

He showed me something that day...something I've always been taught as a child. As much as my earthly father loves me, and what a beautiful picture my daddy is of the Father's love, that love can't compare to our heavenly Father's love. His love never fails! Romans 5:7-8 lays it out for us so perfectly: 

"Finding someone who would die for a godly person is rare. Maybe someone would have the courage to die for a good person. Christ died for us while we were still sinners. This demonstrates God's love for us." 

He knew that sin I would find myself in at 19 years of age and yet He still chose to take on the cross for me...you'll never find another love like His...never! 

These are just a few of my hard times...there are plenty more, I can assure you. But have you picked up on the common thread? He uses the bad times to teach us something...to make us better...and to glorify HIS name! 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 

I wish I could sit here and tell you that this life would be easy with Jesus, but if I'm honest, many times being a Christian makes living in this world harder. You're not living for this world or this life...your living with your eternity in mind. I love the comfort Jesus gives in John's gospel: 

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

Sometimes the most devastating brokenness of life leads to the sweetest surrender to the King of Kings. My challenge to you is to allow your brokenness to be mended and filled by the saving and life-giving hope of Jesus Christ, leading to complete surrender to Him.  

"But God is rich in mercy because of His great love for us. We were dead because of our failures, but He made us alive together with Christ. God has brought us back to life together with Christ Jesus and has given us a position in heaven with Him." Ephesians 2:4-6

the 1st year: it's a verb.

I absolutely loved our cakes! Because my husband is a drummer, what could've been more fitting than part of his drum set for his cake? Not to mention it was red velvet, which is his favorite. My cake was the perfect mix of the modern feel, while still maintaining the classic bridal elegance. I would highly recommend Midtown Cakes to any bride that's on the market for their wedding. They're amazing! 

As my husband and I are approaching our 1st anniversary, I have recently started to think back on this past year and all the many lessons we've learned...some have been easy to soak up and others have felt like pouring alcohol over an open wound. However, if I have learned anything over the past year, it can all be summed up in one phrase: It's A Verb. Love acts. It acts on the present, not the past. Bryant and I both have pasts, [not pretty ones either] but genuine love looks at the present and loves with a passionate, relentless pursuit; one that cannot be fabricated or faked. The apostle Paul said it best in the infamous verse read at almost all weddings (except mine): 

"Love never fails!" 1 Corinthians 13:8

As I've been reflecting over this past year, there are a few lessons that I think are worth writing about. I'm sure every woman has different points she feels are worth remembering depending on the circumstances, but if anything, for when I'm looking at this blog on our 10th wedding anniversary, I want to have them...and just maybe they'll help or inspire you as well. So here we go...


#1--It takes THREE, not just 2. I've heard many people say, in regards to marriages that have split or when major disagreements occur between couples, "It takes two to tango"...and right they are, but I think when we offer that phrase, we completely bypass the most important person in the marriage: God. It may take two to tango, but it only takes one to restore...and that one is Jesus Christ. He's the redeemer and rebuilder. If marriage is not not built on Jesus Christ himself, yeah, you may "get by" and make it from day to day, but the joy of the Lord will not be present...and let me just go ahead and tell you...there are days when the only thing that pulls you through is His joy! Marriage is not just a union between two people, but a covenant between those two people and the Lord...one that cannot reach it's full potential without being centered around Jesus Christ! 
#2--His razors work so much better than mine! Seriously! It doesn't matter what expensive brand I buy of women's razor, his always shave better, meaning...when given the choice, I'll always pick up his razor instead of mine :) 
#3--Tithing is a must. One of the greatest lessons we've been able to learn as a couple is the importance of tithing. I've always grown up tithing, putting my 10% in the offering bucket as it passed by, but when you get married, bringing together two incomes, that 10% becomes significantly larger, making it much harder to write that check come Sunday morning. Combine the larger number with more bills to pay and unless you're rolling in the dollar signs, tithing will truly test your faith. But, that's the beauty of it. Everything we have is the Lord's. He gave it all to us. Paul says it best in Phillippians 4:19 (keep in mind, he wrote this while sitting in a jail cell)-

"And my God will supply all my needs, according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." 

As we are faithful to Him, He pours out blessings according to HIS riches, which if you didn't know, are much better than anything this world has to offer. Just as a testimony to His faithfulness, Bryant and I chose to tithe the regular 10% but also to take 5% of our income and give it to someone in need who the Lord lays on our heart. We also have recently started supporting a little boy named Angelo in West Africa. I can personally guarantee, the more we've poured out for the Lord, the more He has poured into us. Bryant received a significant promotion within his company, instantly doubling his income & upon graduating, the Lord had lined up the perfect job for me, doing what He called me to do so many years ago (that story is laid out within my About Me if you're interested). Money is temporary. Earthly treasures are temporary. The investments made for the kingdom...they last for an eternity! Am I saying this to boast about what we have? Absolutely not! Am I saying that hard times have never hit us? No way! There are still times when money is tight. What I'm trying to show you is, the Lord is forever faithful and He honors those who honor Him!

Angelo on the left & Bryson collecting money from his allowance he has been saving up for months to buy a new toy that he really wants...instead, he sent his money to Angelo last week.

#4--He likes surprises, but he also likes his schedule. My husband is OCD. There's no denying it...especially when I vacuum the whole living room and the lines on the carpet aren't perfect enough for him or I put the toilet paper on wrong or he hasn't gone through his tooth brushing routine at least 3 times in one day (he's obsessed with clean teeth...but, I'm not complaining!) Although he likes a routine and always wants to know what's on the calendar for the upcoming week, throwing some surprises his way isn't always a bad idea. A candle lit dinner; a random present waiting for him; taking him a surprise slushy and his favorite candy to work, just because I am missing him; a sporadic date night; or a day where I curl my hair, dress my best, put on some make up and throw on some high heels. He's very particular about his schedule, but changing it up a little is good for every marriage! 

#5--Praying together builds strength: There's a reason the Word of God says, 

"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

The closer you get to the Lord, the closer you become as a couple. Some of my most treasured moments with Bryant are at night when we're crawling in bed together and we begin to pray: praying over our life, our marriage, our family, pleading the blood over Bryson and his life. Sooner or later, whether you want to admit it or not, your spouse is going to let you down. They're going to do something that betrays your trust, that hurts you or they're not going to be there for you and the let down will be more than you can bare. I know most people, especially us ladies, like to think that the man of our dreams is going to be there in every situation, no matter what, but truth is, our men our human...just as we are. They're going to let us down. If you don't believe me , give it time. All people fall...all people mess up. Romans 3:23 states it clearly: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." But by praying together, you acknowledge the need in your marriage (and lives as individuals) for a Savior. Allow your husband to pray over you...I promise, its one of the most intimate and beautiful journeys you'll ever take as a couple!

Bryant praying over our marriage during our wedding ceremony.

#6--Vacations are a must! And I don't mean this in a selfish way, needing the sun, sand, and water. I mean the mental mindset of a vacation. Sometimes you just need to get away from the everyday stressors of life and take time to breathe...as a couple, or in our case, as a family. Do something fun that everyone will enjoy. Goof off together. Be carefree for a few days. Rejuvenate and refresh your spirit. Remind yourself of the beautiful life the Lord has blessed you with. Even if you can't go for a week long vacation at the beach, go to (if you're local) Callaway Gardens for the day or the North GA Apple Festival or even the GA National Fair. Something that's different and will allow you to get away and relax for a while. When Bryant and I were dating, neither of us had any money & we weren't married, meaning we couldn't go somewhere we had to spend the night with it just being the 2 or 3 of us (Bryant, Bryson & myself), so our "vacation" or getaway were simple things like a day in Atlanta at the aquarium and trips to Pine Mountain Animal Safari with Bryson. Recently, the Lord has blessed us tremendously, allowing us to be able to afford much larger vacations such as Bryson's 1st trip to Disney World and a week at the beach. Regardless of how long you're away or where you're going, make time to spend with your spouse and family! 
[Speaking of short vacations: this weekend, Bryant and I are spending the weekend in Atlanta at the Westin. Part of it is for my work, but the other part is an early birthday celebration for my man. I'm so excited!]

 

It was both Bryant & Bryson's 1st trip to Disney World. We had the best week! We went to Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom & of course Downtown Disney every night to visit Lego World! Bryson is looking forward to our next trip...as is his daddy ;) 

 #7--Fighting is okay. Not only is fighting okay, but it's normal...especially in the first few years of marriage. You're still changing and becoming accustomed to living with your spouse and all their crazy habits. I remember one of the first mornings after we were married and had come home from our honeymoon, waking up to Bryant singing (he has a BEAUTIFUL voice--maybe one day I'll post the video of him singing to me at our wedding) as LOUD as he could. Now, keep in mind, I am not a morning person. Bryant...his eyes open at 5am sharp! "Sleeping in" does not exist in his dictionary. Of course, I was still in the honeymoon phase, so I quietly got up, went and shut the door to the bathroom and attempted to fall back asleep. 3 months down the road...it got old. Especially when, much like tonight, I'm up working or blogging and Lou (our miniature yorkie) and Bryant are sound asleep, meaning early mornings aren't really my favorite thing. 

Yes, this is an actual picture from tonight & literally how Lou sleeps every night. She loves Bryant! 

It didn't take too many more morning shower singing sessions before I had had enough. I made it very known that his singing was driving me crazy at 5:30am and being the wonderful man that he is, he just laughed it off & promised to keep it quiet in the early mornings. [Now that's not to say that every once in a while he won't wake me up singing "Good morning beautiful" with that wonderful voice of his or quietly kiss me goodbye as he leaves for work...and if I'm honest, by being married to him, I've become more of a morning person myself, waking up early to eat breakfast with him or drink coffee and talk while he gets ready for work. I've come to love mornings with my man.] Fighting and becoming angry with your spouse is normal. Even Jesus himself became angry, clearing the temple courts (John 2:13-17)...but, the key is to not sin in your anger; to not go to bed upset; to watch the words that leave your mouth when you're angry; to guard all actions while you're angry. The goal is to get to a place where you're able to reasonably express your concerns with your spouse and work through it together.  

#8--Whenever he blames the dog for something, you instantly know he is at fault. Bryant has this funny habit of doing something silly, such as passing gas, and when I turn around to give him the "seriously?" look, he always claims it was Lou-Lou. Often I'll ask him to do the dishes or move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and more times than not, he takes care of it without question, but then there are those times that he "forgets" and when I get home and ask him about it, he claims he told Lou to take care of it, but she didn't listen. Needless to say, I can't be mad when we both look down at Lou (which I don't even know why I look at her because I know who is truly at fault) and she gives us the "what did I do?" look. 

The "what did I do?" look.

#9--"Its not the load that breaks you, but how you carry it." I can promise you, if you haven't hit hard times yet, you will. Most couples don't walk into their first year of marriage with already having a child (step child for me) and an ex wife/husband...but for us, that's the case. Again, I will stop and say (and anyone who knows us, knows what a joy Bryson is and how close of a family we are) but, I would not trade Bryson Reid for anything in this world! He is our pride and joy! 

Bryson's preschool graduation, 2014. 

But our life has different stressors and obstacles than most marriages do starting out. You may not carry the same load that we do, but I know every couple has something they struggle with...something that bears down on them. We weren't made to carry around heavy burdens...we're not strong enough. Psalm 55:22 instructs us to "cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken." That's a promise! Your marriage wasn't made to carry the weight of the world or the weight of your circumstances on it. Take your burdens to the Lord and He WILL sustain you. As the quote says, it's not the actual load that will break you, but how you go about carrying it...and that's just it. You don't! You lay it before the Lord, trusting He will meet every need & fight on your behalf. Psalm 34:7 promises this: "The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them." Now that's not saying there won't be hard days or days where you think you've reached your limit, but His word promises that joys comes in the morning and as I stated in my previous post, He's the best promise maker you'll ever meet! He never fails or goes against His word! 

#10--He's gonna have a hobby...you might as well learn to tolerate it. My husband has many wonderful talents and hobbies. He loves sports and is extremely athletic...and I love watching that gorgeous man run across the field. He is an incredible musician, mastering the drums, guitar and bass, and has a voice like you've never heard before. He loves adventure and we're always planning something fun to do or a new place to visit. But one thing that I cannot stand is CLASH OF CLANS! He and a big group of his friends take this game very seriously, to the point that Bryant will ask me to keep his phone on while he jumps in the shower so "his village isn't raided." Silly, right? Yes! But, he likes it...he enjoys the game. I'm sure he thinks my countless DIY projects around the house are silly, but I enjoy them, so he goes along with it. A few weeks ago we were going out for our weekly date night and he asked me what I wanted to do...I really wasn't feeling up for a fancy dinner that night and simply wanted to go to the craft store and buy stuff for more projects and then go home to paint and eat dinner at the house. I know out of all the many things he could've done that night, painting was not on the top of his list...but he did it...for me. He spent his entire night (clash free, I might add) painting canvases, watching tv (we did watch ESPN for him, but luckily, I love sports just as much as he does) and sharing dinner in our pjs. Why? Because it's what I wanted and enjoyed and he wanted to make me happy. 

Our paintings from our date night. He's actual not a bad painter (he painted the leaves on the left). 

He taught me something that night...I may think this clash of clans game is ridiculous, but he enjoys it...and part of loving someone is "putting up" with things that they enjoy even when it's not your top choice...selfless love is what he displays...and I'm blessed to be able to call him my husband. IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND: This does not mean that I will begin playing clash of clans...hence the word "tolerate" in the topic sentence.

I've learned so many lessons over this year, but the absolute greatest one is this:

God knew exactly what He was doing when He saved Bryant Davis for me. I couldn't ask for a better man to walk through life with! The Lord answered every prayer I've ever whispered for what I wanted my husband to be like when He gave me Bryant...and then some! Oh how thankful I am for this life we have together! 

[imitators] Ephesians 5:1-2

A few weeks back, I overheard a conversation my mom was having about how much your children are like you. She was talking simply about the character traits that she saw in each of her girls. (I have 2 beautiful sisters that I treasure more than anything)

My beautiful sisters, Maci & Jena

Now I've learned over the years, any and every little thing my mom says is packed with wisdom and advice. I've never met another woman like my mom! (just hold on because I love to brag on this incredible lady.) 

 My mom receiving the Woman of Distinction Award for 2014 for the Columbus and surrounding areas.

We like to refer to her as Superwoman in our family. She is the hardest working woman I have ever met. After high school and into her first year of college, she paid her way through college by flipping burgers at Burger King. While being a math major (anyone who is a math major, my hat is off to you--I hate math!) and finishing her bachelors in 3 years, she began working at Columbus Bank and Trust (CB&T) and quickly climbed the ladder due to her ability and relentless hard work. Starting from the bottom of being a teller, after 30 years of never taking short cuts and daily offering her very best, she now holds an executive position, running all consumer lending for all Synovus banks in the United States. Now, I do not want to by pass or cut down her professional role and what an incredible leader she is in our community, but there are some things she has accomplished that hold higher importance in my life. 

My wonderful family; always having fun together! 

Yes, her and my father have worked very hard to provide the best life for my sisters and I, and I couldn't be more grateful for that...but what leaves it's mark on me more than anything else is her love for the Lord and her life that is totally submitted to His will and calling. Not only does she hold a full time job, demanding countless hours of her time, but she is a full time partner in ministry with my father serving in children's ministry and manages to be the very best mother to 3 girls. She is constantly encouraging, loving and pushing us to be the very best we can. She has taught us that our identity is found in Jesus Christ and no one else. She taught us the importance of praying for a godly man to enter your life and has lived out what a godly wife looks like in front of us. I remember evenings being in my bed and seeing a light on in the living room, only to find my mother deep in the Word of God, praying and seeking Him. Those are the things that have left the deepest impression on my life & what I want to model my life after. As I stated before, [she's superwoman] every word out of her mouth is filled with wisdom and advice that I gladly take in whenever I get the chance. 

Now that I've introduced you to Superwoman, let's get back to what spoke to me a little while back. She made a simple statement about how your children are more like us than we think. This was her statement:

"You know, I was thinking the other day...you're not born with habits; you form them over your lifetime. I developed the habit of bitting my nails and now all my girls do the same. No one ever taught them to bite their nails, but they watched me for countless years and began for themselves."

Profound? Probably not...or not yet. She didn't know it at the time, but that analogy began to sink in and truly made me think about my life. Ephesians 5:1-2 says, "Imitate God, since you are the children he loves. Live in love as Christ also loved us. He gave His life for us as an offering and sacrifice, a soothing aroma to God." My mom was right; no one ever sat us (my sisters & I) down and taught us how to bite our nails. We picked up that habit from watching her over the years. As a new step parent and preparing to have children of my own, I have since wondered, what habits am I displaying for Bryson and what habits will my children pick up on from the life I live before them? My prayer is they will see me in prayer every morning, spending time in God's word on a daily basis, using my gifts, talents and resources for His glory. I began to think about the importance of the life we lead in front of our children and even the people around us. What habits are they picking up from our life? Are they seeing the hypocrisy of being in church on Sunday but living for this world Monday-Saturday, or are they seeing a life in complete and total surrender to Him; a life of thanksgiving and honor to the King of Kings? 

Let's take it a step further: I can remember my grandmother, both of them actually, (side note: today marks 1 year that my sweet Grandma went to be with Jesus) constantly telling my sisters and I "stop bitting those nails!" 

My Grams & I                                    My Grandma (passed away 9.26.13)

They hated the habit and truth is...so did I! But, that was the problem: it was a habit. One I had done my entire life and now breaking it was nearly impossible! Now I will say, for my wedding, I grew out my nails...and here's proof below! I was quite proud...but, right after I got married, I had finals the next week, meaning I got nervous and off went the nails! 

My real nails! 

But, what happens when we apply this concept to life? What happens when our children, or those around us, or those we are serving in leadership over begin to watch our habits, create their own and those habits cause harm and pull them away from the Lord? What happens when our children watch week in and week out as we attend church on Sunday, but never again acknowledge the Lord until the following Sunday rolls around? Habits rub off on others...especially our children who love and admire us. 

I looked up the meaning of "habit" on Merriam Webster and found the definition to be eye opening.

[Habit: an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary.]

Involuntary was the word that jumped out at me. 

[Involuntary: done contrary to or without choice; compulsory; not subject to control of the will; reflex.]

If things we are doing or words we are saying are setting an example for our children, an example that could turn into a habit for them, a habit that is potentially not subject to control of their will...don't we want those habits to be godly? My prayer is that the things I do on a daily basis, the words out of my mouth and the motives of my heart would lead Bryson and my own children to Christ! 

All my love~ Chelsea 

"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

Settle down, you hypocrite: a painful look within.

["Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5]

No this isn't a juicy gossip post, blasting someone else for their hypocritical lifestyle or a post used as a venting platform. It's not a place to revisit past hurts or discretely target someone else for something they've done. This is a place of vulnerability...one that I'm very glad the Lord brought me to. The hypocrite I'm referring to is me...and here's why:

A little while ago, I was sitting in my office trying to knock off the last few check marks of my to-do list (yes, I am a bit very OCD when it comes to my to-do lists & will not stop until my daily list is complete) and the Lord began to knock at the door. How easy is it to hear Him knocking, knowing He wants to speak to you, but the things of this world, the distractions of life, pull you in every other way but to spending time with the one who truly matters...and the sad part is, the distractions that are pulling you away can be good things; things that are working to further His kingdom. I was working on updating our church's website and getting some things together for our compass groups that were kicking off...but I knew what He had to say to me was far more important than any work I had to do at that time.
As I began reading in His word, He guided me to a passage of scripture I know very well; one that I've grown up knowing, I've heard it preached and I've even preached on it many times. Galatians 5:16-25. (Please note, I am reading from God's Word Translation) 

"Now the effects of the corrupt nature are obvious: illicit sex, perversion, promiscuity, angry outburst, selfish ambition, conflict, factions, envy, drunkenness, wild parting and similar things. I've told you in the past and I'm telling you again that people who do these kinds of things will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the spiritual nature produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. There are no laws against things like that. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their corrupt nature along with its passions and desires." 

When I first read over this verse, I almost viewed it as one of my checklists. As I went down the list of things that will not enter the Kingdom of God, I checked them off. "Don't do that. Never have done that. Will never do that..." and so on. My pride began to swell up as I ran through the list in my head: "I'm not a promiscuous woman, I have always and will always be faithful to my husband in the covenant of marriage, I don't party or indulge myself in drunkenness or wild partying." [There's a reason the Bible says "pride comes before destruction."] As I read over that verse again, I began to see why the Lord had brought me to that familiar verse...my pride began to fall and my eyes were opened to the messed up mindset I was in. How easy it had become for me to point the finger at someone else that I deal with in my life of how "messed up" they were. I wasn't the one who was unfaithful; I wasn't the one who was out getting drunk every weekend or living for the things of this world. How easy it had become for me to see the speck that was in someone else's eye when I had a huge log sticking out of mine. See, for the past few months, my life had been marked by conflict with this person, angry outbursts and rivalry. Who was I to skip over those problems that applied to me and jump to the ones I wanted to see in others? Who was I to pour out judgement when a gracious God has so freely poured out an abundance of grace and mercy on me?

A few years ago, I was downtown at our college ministry at the time, listening to our pastor, Rob, and he stated something that resonated within my soul and till this day, I use it to put myself back in place when I begin to operate out of my flesh. He was referring to hurts and the revenge that we as humans want to take. This was his statement: 

"It's easy to sit there and think about people who have hurt you getting what they deserve. But what about you? What about what you deserve? Christ took what we all deserved to Calvary that day."

A definite hit to my pride, but one that I desperately needed. When I think about passions and desires, I think about those "horrible sins"... the ones that come with ungodly passions and desires, such as having an affair on your spouse, or being addicted to drugs, or an alcoholic. But, what the Lord was trying to show me was the dirty sin within my life. The angry outbursts that had come due to the rivalry and conflict that existed between myself and someone, all of which were listed by Paul in Galatians 5:16 as things that will KEEP you from inheriting the Kingdom of God! I may not struggle with desires to be unfaithful to my husband or become drunk every weekend, but I do struggle with desires to out-do or be "better"...and if you continue reading, Paul goes on to write that those who are within Christ have crucified those passions and desires. Now let me go ahead and tell you, crucifying that fleshly desire, regardless of what you're struggling with, is a daily battle that will be one of the hardest thing you've ever had to do. But the more I crucify my flesh, day after day, the easier it becomes and my flesh is torn away, making more room for the Lord to work and move in my life. 


 It doesn't make sense in the world's eyes and many times you'll question why even continue to forgive and show love when it would be so much easier to push back and point out every speck of dirt in their eye, but remember the words of Jesus himself:

"But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." -Matthew 5:44

I want my life to be MARKED by Christ and everything I do to be an avenue for Him to be glorified...so "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14. 

All my love~ Chelsea 

"...that's the way it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8

Currently, I am in the beginning pages of Beth Moore's newest study, Children of the Day, with a group of ladies within my church. If you are currently looking for a new study to dive into, I would highly encourage picking this up. Whether you're on the highest mountain of life or the lowest valley, this study will pierce, encourage and challenge you. Each day when I get home, of course after I cook dinner for a hungry husband, I dive right into the next day of the study, eager to see what truths my eyes will be opened to that day. This post and it's content is a result of this study. Its nothing profound and may not seem ground shaking to most people, but for me, it was exactly what I needed at this time...but, I'm not surprised by that. The Lord has a way of ordaining the perfect time for the perfect truth to speak life into your very un-perfect situation. I hope it touches and shakes you in the same magnitude it did for me. All my love~ Chelsea  

a snapshot of my early evening_9.23.14

John 3:8 describes the Holy Spirit like this: "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you don't know where the wind comes from or where it's going. That's the way it is with everyone born of the Spirit." As I began to think about John's analogy of the Spirit, I began to think about the parallels that exist between the Spirit and nature's wind...and not just the obvious ones such as, you can't see the wind, but you can feel it, as it is with the Spirit; I can feel Him, but I can't see Him. I began to dig deeper and think harder about the specific parallel. John could've compared it to anything! He could've drawn the comparison to fire, as many writers of the Bible did. He could've compared the Spirit to a compass, one that guides and directs us day in and day out. The comparison could've been drawn to a close friend, one that never leaves and provides the fulfilling comfort we as humans so desperately need. But no...he didn't choose those, or any other object that would satisfy the comparison; he chose the wind. Why? 
As I began to dig deeper, think harder and allow God to open my eyes, these 5 simple, but subjectively profound truths, were laid before me. 

• Some days, there's no wind at all-- If you're from the south (which I am from the exact location of Alan Jackson's reference in "way down yonder on the Chattahoochee") you're familiar with those dreadful summer days where the sun seems to have a personal vendetta against the Earth and seems to fry everything in it's path. The wind doesn't blow and even the shade, if you manage to find any, offers very minimal relief to the scorching rays the sun is producing. As I began to think about this scenario, the familiarity of it began to resonate within my spiritual life. How many times have you ever felt that you're being beat down by the scorching rays of satan? You try and try, and push in and push in to God, but for some reason, "you just can't feel Him." First off, that hasn't happened to just you. I wish I could sit here and say that situation is more rare to me than familiar, but that would be a lie. I have walked through many seasons within my life and I've questioned if God even heard my cries and pleas; if my prayers were just hitting my ceiling and bouncing back as a slap in my face. As a full time minister of music, there have been times that I've tried my hardest to "press in" and have walked off the stage, questioning the sincerity of my worship because "the wind" wasn't blowing at all. Is this resonating with anyone other than myself? There are some days, I want to crawl back in bed and start again the following day; some days, I just feel off; some days, I don't "feel" God.  Some days, maybe more often than not, the wind doesn't blow; the sun scorches, but the wind does not blow. However, our Lord is still sovereign; He still reigns; and He promises, ["Call to me, and I will answer you." Jeremiah 33:3] And if you need reminding, as I often do, God does not go against His word; he is the most faithful promise maker you'll ever meet!
• Structures, such as mountains or valleys, can hinder the wind from blowing--You've always heard the saying "whether you're on the mountain top or in the valley low, the Lord is with you" and what a powerful and true statement that is. But, have you ever thought about the effects the geographical structure can have on the wind? If the wind is blowing in from the west and you're standing on the east side of the mountain, how difficult will it be for you to feel the wind blowing? The mountain would completely block any trace of the wind blowing. You may see the effects of the wind blowing around you, such as the trees on the other side of the mountain swaying and leaves being pulled from them, but you feeling the wind would be impossible with that huge mountain blocking you. In the same sense, when you're in the valleys of life, (worrying about the future, when there's more month at the end of your money, when your children stray and you've said every prayer you can conjure up, when battling depression is a constant within your life, when your marriage is marred by the scars of the past and unfaithfulness that has occurred, when you become tired of putting on a daily mask that suggests everything is perfect when reality shows everything is falling apart) the walls of the valley make it impossible for you to feel the wind of the Holy Spirit blowing in and through your life. Many times in life, we look at our problems as massive mountains that seem impossible to conquer. We may see the Spirit moving in the lives of those around us, but because of that mountain, we are completely cut off from it. We forget the perspective given to us by Jesus Christ himself in John 16:33 right before He was arrested and walked the gruesome path leading to up to Calvary and ultimately our freedom. ["I've told you this so that my peace will be with you. In the world you'll have trouble. But cheer up! I have overcome the world."] When you reevaluate your problems through HIS perspective, that mountain becomes an opportunity for God to prove His faithfulness in your life and the valley becomes a place of testimony to others, showing how your Savior is still in the redeeming business. 
• Sometimes, its as soft as a whisper and other times its as fierce as a hurricane--This point speaks for itself. The Spirit works in many different ways; sometimes, and many of the times in my life, the Spirit offers a very unsettled and discomforting feeling when I know something is not right and offers unspeakable peace when the Lord is confirming something within my life. Then, there are other experiences, such as mine in the country of Nicaragua, when the Holy Spirit fell within a service and allowed a young man on our team who had zero spanish training at the time, to begin praying fluently in the Spanish language over a Nicaraguan man who was desperately seeking the Lord. Every person under that tin roof was experiencing the Holy Spirit in an unexplainable way. As my knees hit that dirty floor and the rain began to pour outside, everything within me cried out for more...and more...and MORE of His Spirit! I never wanted to leave and till this day, that country holds a very special place in my heart and my next trip will make my sixth time visiting that beautiful country. Sometimes the Holy Spirit whispers to us and other times, He pours in like the flood waters. 
• Different seasons cause different wind "behaviors"--Currently (the month of September), we are in the height of hurricane season. I think back over the past ten years and the number of hurricanes that have hit our country and the record breaking winds that have shaped our landscapes and even our lives. Recently, as summer ended, summer thunderstorms and their heavy winds have slowly made their dismissal from our weekly weather patterns. If you think back to spring time, heavy winds aren't necessarily a character trait of a short spring time shower. Each season calls for different wind behaviors. The same applies within our lives. If there's anything I've learned in this life it's that nothing is ever permanent. Everything has it's season and timing--change will always come. If you're struggling right now, don't be discouraged! Look around for what mountain may be keeping the wind from blowing and remind that mountain who your God is! 
• Man cannot control, stop, hinder or enhance wind--I don't know if you've ever tried this, but go outside on a windy day and try to stop the wind...or if you really want to laugh at yourself, go outside on one of those hot summer days and try to create or enhance the non-existing wind...IMPOSSIBLE! Wind is not controlled by man. The same is for the Holy Spirit. As much as pastors, worship leaders & guest speakers may wish they could control or enhance the Holy Spirit, they can't. The Spirit's work in genuine. It can not be worked up or fabricated by man. An emotional experience cannot substitute for the Spirit's work. In the same sense, when the Holy Spirit gets ahold of someone, there is no stopping or hindering His work. The Lord's name will always be glorified in and through the work of the Holy Spirit.

I would like to leave you with this last scripture and I pray it encourages you as it did me when I was struggling with rekindling the fire and passion I once had for God's work and word. 

"...We also brag when we are suffering. We know that suffering creates endurance, endurance creates character, and character create confidence. We're not ashamed to have this confidence, because God's love has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Press on until that wind blows fresh and freely in your life again. He promises to never leave His children...and YOU are one of His most beloved!